According to Spinner.com, at least. I’m not sure how you really define best in this case, but whatever.. it’s a list.

25. “You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar…” (Human League, “Don’t You Want Me?”)

24. “I’ve been a bad, bad girl…” (Fiona Apple, “Criminal”)

23. “You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips…” (The Righteous Brothers, “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling”)

22. “Go shorty. It’s your birthday…” (50 Cent, “In Da Club”)

21. “Hello darkness, my old friend…” (Simon and Garfunkel, “The Sounds of Silence”)

20. “I am an antichrist….” (The Sex Pistols, “Anarchy In The U.K.”)

19. “Well I guess it would be nice if I could touch your body…” (George Michael, “Faith”)

18. “We don’t smoke marijuana in Muskogee..” (Merle Haggard, “Okie From Muskokee”)

17. “I was dreaming when I wrote this…” (Prince, “1999″)

16. “Pigs, they tend to wiggle when they walk” (Pavement, “Stereo”)

15. “She was more like a beauty queen from a movie scene…” (Michael Jackson, “Billie Jean”)

14. “There must be some kind of way out of here, said the joker to the thief…” (Bob Dylan, “All Along The Watchtower”)

13. “What’s with these homies dissin’ my girl?” (Weezer, “Buddy Holly”)

12. “A candy-colored clown they call the sandman tiptoes to my room every night…” (Roy Orbison, “In Dreams”)

11. “Oh I just don’t know where to begin…” (Elvis Costello, “Accidents Will Happen”)

10. “Tommy used to work on the docks…” (Bon Jovi, “Livin’ On A Prayer”)

9. “Jesus died for somebody’s sins, but not mine…” (Patti Smith, “Gloria”)

8. “Well it’s one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, now go, cat, go” (Carl Perkins, “Blue Suede Shoes”)

7. “In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey…” (Beck, “Loser”)

6. “Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?” (The Carpenters, “Close To You”)

5. “Don’t call it a comeback…” (LL Cool J, “Mama Said Knock You Out”)

4. “Well she was just seventeen, you know what I mean” (The Beatles, “I Saw Her Standing There”)

3. “Hey, ho, let’s go!” (The Ramones, “Blitzkrieg Bop”)

2. “I was born in a crossfire hurricane…” (The Rolling Stones, “Jumpin’ Jack Flash”)

1. “She’s a very kinky girl…” (Rick James, “Superfreak”)

Yeah, I’m not really feeling it with this list. There are about 8 good picks here, and the rest are throwaways. Human League? Bon Jovi? Meh. What about…

“She was a fast machine, she kept her motor clean…”

“Hello, is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me.”

“If you knew Peggy Sue, then you’d know why I feel blue…”

“Got a wife and kids in Baltimore, Jack, I went out for a ride and I never came back…”

“I went home with the waitress the way I always do, how was I to know she was with the Russians, too?”

“Southern man, better keep your head, don’t forget what your good book said…”

“We’ll be fighting in the street, with our children at our feet…”

“Da da da.. uh huh uh huh uh huh… da da da… uh huh uh huh uh huh…”

Which others belong on the list?

Last week was pretty rough.  Between my dwindling finances, the tragic deaths of some amazing celebrities, and the AWOL status of my latest romantic interest (yeah, another guy who stopped calling), I was pretty down.  In the midst of these disappointments, I had to attend a going-away party for one of my best friends in NYC.  Claire and I knew each other from undergrad, and we both moved out to NYC for graduate school.  She was one of the people I could best relate to in terms of dating.  We had both struggled through our share of frustrating relationships, and always had each other for support.  I went to her party with a heavy heart, knowing that I was saying goodbye to such a wonderful friend.

I arrived to the party not knowing anyone.  Though Claire and I were good friends, most of her NYC pals were her co-workers and fellow grad students.  Just as I began to feel even more upset and alone, the party hostesses, Lauren and Lanie, began chatting with me, and turned out to be really sweet!  I instantly began to feel better.  I mingled with others at the party, and began to enjoy myself.  My happiness was bittersweet, however, as the negativity from the week still plagued me–particularly the negativity surrounding my experience with my latest crush.  I really needed to meet somebody to lift my spirits in regards to my feelings about men.

Just as I was about to revert to hanging out in my man comfort zone (with my gays), I met a great, cute (straight!) guy.  I started the typical “I just met you” party chat with Morgan, yet quickly discovered he was anything but typical.  Throughout the evening, he proved to be an incredibly sweet, intelligent, attentive, all-around great person.  Problem?  He has a girlfriend.  Of course he does.  Crap.

I began to sink back into disappointment.  Why do I find myself in these situations?  Either I meet crappy single guys, great taken men, or gays.  F***.

Before I entered full-fledged “Debbie Downer” mode, I made myself snap out of it, and try to enjoy the rest of the party.  I mingled with some other people, said a tearful goodbye to Claire, and began to head out.  Surprisingly, Morgan ended up leaving at the same time, and we walked to the subway together.  We ended the night with another great conversation and a goodbye hug.  Just as I was about to head to my train, Morgan advised me to take a cab home to be safe.  I insisted on taking the subway (there was no way I was going to pay $25 for a cab to Brooklyn…I’m a starving grad student!).  After some back and forth banter about my transportation choice, Morgan hailed a cab, put me in it, and handed the driver enough cash to get me home.  I was FLOORED.  He had just met me and had no reason to help me, but paid for a cab to take me to Brooklyn.  Umm…what???  Who DOES that?  I was STUNNED.  Throughout the 20-minute ride home, I stared out the window, and wondered why Morgan did something so nice for someone he had just met.

What did I ultimately take away from that situation?  Not disappointment or frustration about the Murphy’s Laws of my dating life.  I suddenly realized that someone/something (God?) was sending me a message of hope in the wake of my difficult day.  I imagine that the someone/something was telling me: “Hey Carly, there ARE nice guys out in the world, and you ARE worthy of being treated well, so go forth and open yourself up to love!”  This message has been with me since that day, and I intend to take it with me as I navigate the challenges of dating.  It’s on me to be open to finding future happiness, instead of remaining in the negativity from the past.  It’s up to me to keep the faith.  Thank you, Morgan, for reminding me of that.

]]> http://ology.com/2009/06/29/carlys-kiss-and-tell-keeping-the-faith/feed/ http://ology.com/2009/06/26/the-best-of-mj-on-youtube/ http://ology.com/2009/06/26/the-best-of-mj-on-youtube/#comments Fri, 26 Jun 2009 16:39:09 +0000 Jesse.J http://ology.com/?p=2707 A lot of you will no doubt take some time today to indulge in your Michael Jackson nostalgia in the one place where all our childhood memories go out to pasture–YouTube.

Here are some of my favorite finds:

MJ’s Ten Sexiest Moves:

Rare footage with his beloved chimp Bubbles, from 1987:

Dancing with Emmanuel “Webster” Lewis:

With Muhammed Ali:

And my personal favorite MJ moment of all-time: his guest appearence in The Simpsons episode “Stark Raving Dad”. Like everything he did, the guest spot was utterly bizarre. Michael provided the speaking voice for a large white mental patient named Leon, who believes he is–of course–Michael Jackson. But when Leon breaks into song with the insanely catchy “Happy Birthday Lisa”, it’s Jackson impersonator Kipp Lennon that does the singing. Michael, of course wrote the song, and according to Wikipedia recorded versions of it for the show, but wanted the Lennon version used as a “joke” to his brothers.

LEON TROTSKY

Even when this Bolshevik revolutionary was in exile, he continued to oppose Stalinist bureaucracy…and regularly scheduled haircuts.

RICHARD SIMMONS

The flamboyant exercise guru likes his hair the way he likes his ladies: big, sweaty, and ready to be conditioned.

ART GARFUNKEL

Sure, Paul Simon was far more talented than his ex-partner, but the Funkel’s ’fro accentuated that at least he was taller.

BOB ROSS

Just look at the happy little burnt-sienna mess of hair that sits atop the late The Joy of Painting star’s hippy-dippy head.

SIDESHOW BOB

Springfield’s resident homicidal maniac hates barbers as much as Kelsey Grammer (who voices the freak) hates driving sober.

PHIL SPECTOR

The pistol-packing producer showed up to his murder trial sporting this blond Afro wig and won. Suck it, jurisprudence.

BEA ARTHUR

How Rue McClanahan was the one getting laid in that house remains a head-scratcher.

GARY SPIVEY

Without a hint of humility, this professional psychic channels the cosmos through his mystical wig. He should really try channeling a gym membership.

MATT STONE

If you look closely, you can see the patch of gray that spawned “Uncle Fucker.”

Honorable mentions and full post here.

Editor’s Note: If you’re our age (and our demographics people tell us you mostly are) then some of your earliest musical memories will be Michael Jackson hits. Today, we asked all of our Ology editors for their thoughts on the man, the myth, the music, and the weirdness that was M.J. Stay tuned for updates.

Mimi: When I first heard that Michael Jackson had been rushed to the hospital, I never considered that he may lose his life from the heart attack.  While “P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)” played in my head, I relentlessly hit refresh on all news sources and kept one eye on CNN and MSNBC for any developing details.  Although TMZ was the only source that was confirming his death, I had a sinking feeling that it had to be true.  Unfortunately, my instincts were correct.  It’s hard to ignore the controversy and mystery that surrounded Michael, and I definitely think they are contributing factors to why people are reacting so powerfully to the news of his death.  Inevitably, people are going to continue digging around Michael’s intriguing past, and this upsets me to a certain extent.  When it comes down to it, Michael Jackson was a legendary musician.  Even if you didn’t grow up listening to his music, you can’t deny that the music horizon would be very different today if the King of Pop had never lived.  Would artists like Usher and Justin Timberlake have emerged onto the scene?  Would someone else have immortalized the genre of horror film meets music video?  Regardless of the answers to these questions, I am certain that death is not the end of MJ.  Through his music and continued influence on other musicians, Michael will live on forever.  I only hope that we preserve this memory of him and honor him as an artist.  Catch you on the flip side, Michael Jackson.  Thanks for all the memories.

Natalie: I learned about Michael Jackson through my mother — even though she was white, growing up in Detroit she considered herself “a child of Motown” and loved his music. At home, we would turn on “Billie Jean” or “Thriller” and sing along, while she did a pretty good imitation of his Moonwalk. I rely on her rather than the articles and photographs for the story of his transformation, first to an energetic, talented, astonishing cultural symbol; and then his sad downward spiral. My mom and I will always remember the best parts of Michael Jackson, his career, and his impact on the music industry.

Brie: Michael Jackson’s career was astronomical, say what you will about his personal life. I will always remember being three years old, dancing my little heart out as my mom played his album, Thriller.  Is there anyone who doesn’t have a memory that is distinctly tied to a Michael Jackson song?  I can’t imagine there is.

Anthony: I usually tease my brother about being a little bit on the pudgy side. In the past few months he’s been watching his food intake carefully, so when I saw him for the first time in a month and a half yesterday, I was in for a shock. Here I was looking at a suddenly really skinny version of a kid I knew always took third servings at dinner. And now he doesn’t get seconds. Imagine the grappling my mind had to do when I realized that he was no longer what I had always known him to be.

That’s what happened when I found out about (and cross-referenced) Jacko’s passing. For my entire life I’ve heard his songs, seen stories about his plastic surgeries, read about him allegedly messing with kids. And now he’s gone without any warning. I wasn’t necessarily a huge fan of the guy, but he filled a certain part of my life.

Matt: Was a time that a quarter and a dream could grant you the ability to escape into the white pants of the reigning king of pop.  No, not like that.  “Moonwalker” was a game based on the odd film of the same name, where you played as Michael Jackson attempting to save kidnapped children.  It was strange but compelling, much like the man himself.  Plus you got to live out the fantasy of teen aged males everywhere - transforming into a giant robot and destroying Joe Pesci.  Sure, there were other pop stars that have appeared in video games, but this one let your musician melt faces with a sweet dance breakdown.

Carly: Michael Jackson was one of the most influential musical artists in my life.  My first memory of him was listening to his solo on the “We Are the World” album (yes, my mom had an actual album).  MJ reminds me of time spent with my Grandma–a totally cool, “up with pop culture” kind of lady; she would put on his Dangerous album and we would dance around the house to “Black or White” and “Remember the Time.”  She passed in 2005, and I would like to think that she is now dancing with Michael up in heaven.

Jared: A superstar first, Jacko was also an artist.  He constantly made people wonder, question and, yes, point and laugh.  But through it all, Michael kept doing what he loved–even when what he loved was exceedingly weird and maybe illegal. But all that to one side, cheers to you, Michael.  I will always remember with a smile hearing Billy Jean for the first time on my sister’s boombox.

Alix: What I remember most vividly about MJ is his video for “Black or White” with Macaulay Culkin. There is a sequence in the video where all these multi-ethnic faces creatively melt and morph into one another. The technology involved was brand new for the time (early 90’s) and got a ton of publicity. I saw the video as a child, just about the time I was really getting into music videos, and it give me a bit of a mind fuck. There’s also a scene where a whole bunch of international dances are perfomed while a wind-blown Jackson is doing his famous pointed toe dance on a big box. The whole thing was a cinematic achievement, and I think it is too often forgotten next to the “Thriller” Video. The memory of this video encounter cements, in my mind, his artistry and genuine committment to healing the world. For all his foibles and curiosities, the guy cared…and in such a visceral way that it inspired even a naive, un-worldly little kid watching his video to believe that his music would actually bring people together and end injustice and prejuduce.

Amy: From the time I could walk I was trying to moonwalk and from the time I knew what music was, I was singing along with him, reading his lyrics, watching his videos, and trying to mimic his voice. Yesterday morning on my walk to work while listening to my Shuffle, “Smooth Criminal” popped on, a song I usually skip through just because I’ve heard it so many times. For some reason I wanted to listen to the entire song, and instead of daydreaming like I usually do when I walk and listen to music, I ended up thinking about how awesome Michael Jackson is - how can you not when you listen to a song like that? A few hours later he was gone, and I don’t think I’ll ever again feel the weight of a superstar’s death quite like this.

Dan: Jackson was many things–some of them unusual, some of them awful–but he was, at his best, one of the two or three greatest entertainers of the 20th century.

…I was struck by the MJ fans who flew out of the woodwork on my facebook feed, an outpouring of love among friends and acquantences that I  would have never expected.

As for myself, I didn’t know the man (and, for all the surgeries and bleachings, a man he was), and I don’t know how to feel about his passing–or even whether I should feel anything in particular about his passing.

But it is clear that millions, and millions (and millions and millions) of people do feel strongly about the King of Pop’s death.

Fans spontaneously gathered in droves from LA to New York to mourn a person they never met.

My old editor Andy Battaglia at The Decider perhaps put it best on his facebook feed. Like me, I bet Andy could only wonder at the countless “MJ R.I.P.” posts on his RSS, Twitter  and Facebook feeds, scratching his head at the bandwagoning, before it occurred to him to write just this:

“Isn’t music amazing?”